Wow... I just realized that I still had this thing!

Most interesting.

powerful magnicificent and most divine

Lol. Not that anyone reads this thingie anymore....

www.myspace.com/thefrontlyne

Go. Look. Support Me and my Company!!!!!!

Word. Listening to A mixtape song from my first artist... X-yle

I Can't

"Yeah Girl, I hear you tellin' me that you want me,
But there's too many stipulations you're throwin' at me.
I can't follow you around, I gotta work.
The only collar 'round my neck is attached to my shirt.
You Beef too much.
You Grief too much.
I can't... Deal with the Drama 'cuz everything's a problem.
I don't come home, you call me constant.
And gossip to your friends about me, around me.
You like my smile,
But HATE my lifestyle.
Sayin' that you need Attention I can't give you.
There's other Fish in the Sea, so leave the Shark alone.
You can't handle the way I roll.
I know you need a Man, BUT that ain't me.
You can't put shackles on my feet.
Girl, I'm just too fast to lock down and trap.
I'm much smarter than that.
A Proud G Graduate!"

Lol. That's the attitude to have to succeed in life it seems I'm going to get back into this xanga thing I guess. *shrug* it's a good outlet.

  Is it worth even placing your trust in any given person?  Because as of late, I am starting to believe that it is not. Within this year alone I have cut about 5 people outta my life... a thing I thought I would NEVER believe I would have to do. A few were year-long "Friends," and a few were some I met a few months ago. I always  thought I had a pretty good handle on the character of a person. Has that changed? Was my judgement fucked up all along and I was getting by on luck? Or are the People and Society's Values changing around me, and I AM what I keep hearing... Naive?...

  Is being Young at Heart a liability? Or am I just unable to grasp being able to think in a shady or deceitful manner? And does that make me stupid? Damn.... An Intelligent DUMB person. Ouch.

  Maybe the fault rests entirely on me. And by trying to make sense of what the fuck is going on I only infuriate people more. But then again... if you really do CARE about a person... shouldn't you TRY and work whatever is going on out? Doesn't that lead to progress? Or am I wrong? Is it better to let things alone and just walk away from a situation and a person... everything you ever said/did/thought and pretend like you never met them?.... I dunno. It is shocking to me how easy it seems for other people to just wash their hands clean of everything and everyone without even flinching. Me? I take time to adjust. To reflect. And sometimes it is hard, almost impossible to move on. I seem to be stuck in one place, emotionally and mentally, and I obsess over the same things over and over again... trying to get even the slightest detail that could have made a difference...

 Am I rambling again? Oh. My Bad. I TOLD you I was strange and slightly mad. *shrug*

  "Normal" is relative. Nothing is "Normal." EVERYTHING is Normal. Try and wrap your head around that for a min...

  I had discussed this already with my Big Bro (you know who you are... ) What is reality? If human nature is flawed and we are all different... who is to say what is true and what is false? What is true for one may or may not be true for another. For example: A piece of paper looks "White." But.... who is to say that "White" looks the same for you as it does to me? Something was placed infront of me and I was taught "This is WHITE." So I learned it as such. But who is to say that my White is the same as yours is? Or that this smell or taste or touch is the same as yours is?

 Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.....

  Just putting a few things out there. Maybe some of you can better understand the way I view things.

  We all take different paths to the same end...

So, Yes it has been a very long time. But I figure that it's time I got back into this. Ima upgrade the page and everything.

So, this year has been filled with so many ups and downs already. Only 4 months into 2006...

I am blessed.

Sure, I have been faced with so much. But at the end of the day, everything happen for a reason. Falling in Love... hard yes. Hard for the trappings that come with it. But I am blessed. SO blessed. I am blessed to know that he cares for me in return, regardless of the outcome of our relationship. Through the hard times, knowing that he is there to be my rock and hold me and tell me that everything will work out for the better, be it tomorrow or 20 years from now. I could talk on and on... but you know the deal.

It is still strange, to be able to look at a person and still after a year and 2 months get butterflys in my stomach. Even after considering the possibilities and ultimately making a heartbreaking decision... even after hating that person with every part of my being... the nights of crying and uncertainty... I am blessed. Because I am in Love. And I can say "I Love You," even if he cant say it back. Yes, I have to hold back, for by nature I am one to be very affectionate and so on...

But I do believe I met this person for the reason.

And that we went through and continue to go through our situations for a lesson.

I think I have grown so much...

Otherwise... Life is wonderful. I'm currently unemployed (LOL!!) but I find it to be kinda liberating and stressful at the same time. DAMNIT I NEED SOME MONEY!!!

And yes, I live and The Music Factory... 9th inbetween 44th and 45th in Manhattan....

FrontLyne

Ima Keep ya'll posted. :-p